You wouldn’t think an apology was a particularly difficult concept, would you? So why then, for many organisations and individuals, does “sorry” seem to be the hardest word?
What is it about making an apology - and getting that apology right - that's not straightforward? How do you make an apology, and what must you avoid doing for it to be effective?
The content of an apology depends on the needs of the person harmed.
This is a crucial skill for anyone, but particularly relevant for leaders, HR professionals, complaint practitioners - and especially their lawyers - to understand.
In this episode, I talk to Chris Wheeler, former Deputy Ombudsman of New South Wales. He literally wrote the manual for public sector organisations giving effective apologies, and worked to introduce ground-breaking legislative changes to enable apologies to be made.
Listen now to hear from Chris about Life at the Sharp End of effective apology, and what he did in public service to ensure "sorry" isn't the hardest word.
Listen now
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Apology is a critical step for recovery
An apology relates to our basic psychological needs. Most people learn this at an early age from their parents - that if you've done something wrong, the decent thing to do is to say sorry and do what's needed to put things right.
Research tells us that apology is a critical step in reconciliation and recovery. It’s at the absolute centre of conflict and complaint resolution, whilst a badly managed or - in the most unpleasant cases deliberately withheld apology - can cause significant and long-lasting harm to people who’ve already been harmed or disadvantaged.
Apologies and the law
Why do lawyers so often tell organisations that they shouldn't apologise for harm they know they’ve caused?
In many jurisdictions, lawyers will advise organisations that an apology shouldn't be issued, as it admits liability. But is this approach necessary and helpful, when it's known to extend the harm caused to people who've suffered a disadvantage?
Would disputes and complaints be resolved more quickly and less painfully, if organisations weren't constrained by their lawyers from issuing an apology?
You'll hear Chris talk about the legislative changes that were introduced following is work as Deputy Ombudsman in New South Wales to make apology an exception under the Civil Liabilities Act.
It seems the sky did not fall in.
Is sincerity needed for an apology to be effective?
If someone refuses to apologise, what value is there to an ordered apology? Does a lack of sincerity make an apology worthless, or does it still have value to the complainant?
Some lawyers will still advise their clients that an apology which is ordered (e.g. if a person refuses to apologise, but someone instructs them to do so) is "meaningless" because it lacks sincerity.
But is this true?
For the lawyers who still dismiss the value of an ordered apology - you’re behind the times! Research shows that sincerity is not the sole predictor of an apology’s acceptance.
Withholding an apology where harm has been caused, is knowingly causing further unnecessary harm to the complainant. Some might call that vindictive.
Chris talks about his experience that the fact of an apology is often what’s needed to reduce - rather than compound - harm caused to the complainant..
Lessons to learn on apology
For an apology to be effective, it’s essential for people to understand the context and nature of the harm that's been caused, from the perspective of the complainant.
Apology isn’t as simple as just saying “sorry.”
Making an apology without having a wider picture may actually compound this harm, so you’ll need to do your homework and understand the bigger picture of what you’re doing to put things right - before you pick up the pen, or touch the keyboard.
Chris has talked about how to support your team members, when the inevitable mistakes happen and your organisation needs to say sorry.
That’s the way to build and maintain psychological safety, learning from what’s happened to improve, and being the kind of supportive leader who acts with integrity and sincerity - rather than just shooting the messenger who’s the unfortunate bearer of bad news.
High-performing cultures learn and improve from their mistakes
Acknowledging them and putting them right demonstrates the ethical integrity that builds trust - in both individuals, and your brand.
We’ve heard how it lets you get in front of the problem.
Consumer complaints research also tells us when organisations act promptly to fix a problem after a complaint about service failure, it actually builds customer loyalty and inspires greater trust and confidence in that organisation.
If you have a trust problem in your organisation - internally or externally - checking how good you are at providing genuine, effective apologies, might just be your answer to repairing that trust gap.
A lasting legacy for forward-thinking politicians
Finally, if you’re a Politician or an Ombudsman in a jurisdiction that still thinks saying sorry is an admission of liability - you might just have found the key to a lasting legacy that’ll make a permanent change to benefit the public you serve - and substantially cut your Government’s legal bill.
Chris said the Australian sky didn’t fall in when they did that, so perhaps sorry is worth saying - and saying right - after all.
Chapter markers
| Time code | Content |
|---|---|
| 00:00 | Introduction |
| 02:52 | Chris’s career and work as Deputy Ombudsman |
| 06:11 | The role of an Ombudsman |
| 09:25 | The value of a good apology |
| 12:45 | What’s required in an effective apology? |
| 18:38 | Why complainants seek an apology |
| 21:16 | The ordered apology : is it worth anything? |
| 22:46 | The benefits of giving an early apology |
| 27:52 | Psychological safety for people making mistakes |
| 30:46 | Changing the law on apology and liability |
| 36:57 | A lasting legacy for reforming politicians |
| 38:38 | Why “right first time” apologies matter |
| 41:38 | The problem with rushing to apologise |
| 44:11 | The Australian experience of changing the law: Did the sky fall in? |
| 48:42 | How apologies support restorative practices |
| 51:05 | Life after being Deputy Ombudsman |
| 52:26 | Lessons for leaders, practitioners and politicians |
References and links
Contact Chris Wheeler at Chris Wheeler Consulting.
In the next episode
In Episode 8 of the Life at the Sharp End podcast, I'm in conversation with Tina Chander, Partner and head of the Employment Law Team at UK law firm Wright Hassall.
Tina gives an employment lawyer's perspectives on some key issues facing employers and employees about banter, bullying, harassment and discrimination.
We discuss the results of Wright Hassall's surveys into the state of workplace bullying in the UK and what it means for employers - including the new positive duty to prevent sexual harassment that came into force in UK law on 26 October 2024.
That's not all though, and you'll hear a lawyer's perspective on topics including "zero tolerance" policies, what employees can do to protect themselves from workplace bullying, and the need for better training and education for (and from) employers.
Episode 8 is available from midday on 30 October (New Zealand time)